Caroline Flack’s suicide has sent shockwaves around the internet. It confirms that we should never allow our externals to define us. By all appearances, Caroline had everything to live for – fame, beauty, love, friends. Yet, it clearly was not enough. Perhaps she allowed her troubles to overshadow all these positives, and she reached the point where she felt she had no choice but to kill herself.
Caroline was entertainment magic. From the co-host of CBBC, co-host of X-factor, winner of ‘Strictly Come Dancing 2014’, performer in West End musical, ‘Chicago’ and host of reality hit show ‘Love Island’, her obvious charisma and infectious laughter lit up a room and won her legions of fans.
Yet, the manner of her death begs the question – on what paradigm did she base her life? Did she compare it to a merry-go-round with constant amusement, or did she see herself as a ‘clown’ in a comedic production? Speculative as it is, a clown has a limited shelf life when accusations of physical abuser begin to surface. Suddenly, the laughter stops and the work becomes unsustainable. She stepped down as the host of ‘Love Island’ and was not fired, suggesting that the mounting pressure of the bad press and negative social media commentary had become too much.
Despite the fact that her boyfriend, with whom she continued to be in a relationship, wished to withdraw the charges, the Crown Prosecution Service decided to forge ahead with the criminal trial. She had pleaded not guilty to the charges of assaulting her boyfriend.
Like all entertainers, she wanted her audience to feel good not badly. The one who brought the sunshine was suddenly shrouded in shame. No doubt, that was what she thought.
This unfortunate aspect of Caroline’s life put her under the glare of the media spotlight. She magnified the looming court case in her mind to such an extent that it became a monster which threatened to destroy everything she had worked so hard for all her life.
The truth is that even if Caroline had been convicted, she would have risen from the ashes to fight and win another day. This one incident did not have the power to define her life, unless she permitted it to. There was so much more to Caroline that one moment of weakness or misjudgement. Unfortunately, she was so busy grappling with the monster whose primary weapon of torture was fear, that she could not see this truth.
But will she be remembered for all her many acts of public performance which brought the feel-good factor or for her final act of surrender which has left us feeling so sad? That final act was never in the script. Even Caroline could not have envisaged that her life would end so tragically.
The clue of what may have driven her over the edge is the date of her suicide. Valentine’s Day holds a lot of expectations for a lot of people. They either feel blessed by ‘Cupid’ or terribly let down. It was the day after Valentine’s Day. Unable to communicate with her partner and sweetheart due to the court’s restraining order, and missing him intensely, she sunk to the depths of despair.
Perhaps the findings of her inquest, and in time, the revelations from those who knew her and communicated with her in her final weeks and days on this earth, will help to shed light on what drove her to this fatal decision. Until then, as survivors, we would all benefit from bearing in mind that there is always a way through the seeming quagmire of the challenges we face in life. We just need to hold on for one more day.