A person who tries to conform, but finally throw up his or her hands in despair, painfully aware of having been condemned to a life-time of weirdness. It is a weirdness which emanates from within, and may not be visible. Shall we give this misfit a name for the purposes of this genrall dexcription which is not gender specific. Let’s say the misfit’s name is Alan.
On the surface,he may seem normal, even average. But inside he knows something is wrong – he finds himself going through the motions of life but lacking enthusiasm and never finding true fulfilment; he feels ill at ease in his own skin. He feels at variance with life. He just don’t seem to fit – out of sync with the fashions, modern manners too abrupt, modern technology too obtrusive. If red is in vogue, he prefers yellow.
He rebels, ever so silently or sometimes blatantly. He might get a large tattoo, put purple streaks in his hair, , get nose rings, belly buttons pierced. He rebels against his parents, going into careers of which they would not approve. He takes a gap year, often repeatedly, to travel around the world, to find himself, to opt out of the rat race. But the truth is he was never in it to begin with. He switches careers before the going gets too tough. He looks forward to the luxury of a mid-life crisis so he can indulge in his angst. He always wants to be somewhere else, anywhere else but here. He doesn’t hang around for too long in relationships in case his“loved ones” diagnose him as the misfit that he is. He disappears for periods, when no-one in his life can track him down.
He may end up in mental asylums, rehab centres, a homeless hobo just wandering aimlessly through life. He may lose all sense of balance and become addicted to one thing or another. It’s a way of crowding out or escaping painful reality.
He sees being different in a world which emphasizes conformity at every turn, as a curse. The seeds of longing to be someone other than himself are first planted in his imagination which he indulges through fiction and make-believe.
Finally he flirts with suicidal – the promise of peaceful non-existence. But surely, there must be a better way.